Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
