i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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