I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
