I hate all girls vehemently.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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