I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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