remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
