I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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