I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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