Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
