I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
