What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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