hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
