He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
