I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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