How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
