she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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