so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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