i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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