I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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