Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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