I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
