Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
