Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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