i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
