Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
