I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
