Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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