Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
