I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
