Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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