Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
