You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
