i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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