Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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