she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
