he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I touched a dick in church today
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
