oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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