Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry about my life...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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