I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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