I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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