Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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