never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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