Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
