we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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