Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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