she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
