I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
