My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize