He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if only i could text you this smell
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
