Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
