I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My ass is underappreciated
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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