why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
