I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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