We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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