So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
