very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
