please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
