dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
