I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
