she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
