Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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