i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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