I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
