I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize