dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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