i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
