it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
