id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
