Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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